Attached-Reader Question 3: What About Attachment Styles and Friendship?
Studies that have looked into attachment styles and friendship have made a variety of findings, for example:
People with a secure attachment style are more likely to seek social support when they’re stressed; they also perceive themselves as having more available support. Avoidants, on the other hand, are more likely to distance themselves under stressful conditions. Other findings: Secures reported less conflict with friends, better conflict resolution and more satisfaction in their relationships with friends.
But more down to earth: You’ve probably noticed differences between your relationships with different friends:
With some you just know that if they’ve left you a voice message, you have to get back to them within a few hours (or days), otherwise they’ll be very hurt. If they don’t hear back from you — rather than trying you again, they’ll wait until you contact them. With others, even if it takes you a month to return their call, they’re not going to take personal offense or they’ll just keep trying until they reach you.
You’ve also probably noticed that some friendships are very intense and close while other friends,
after spending a lot of time together, will need their space and might disappear for a while.
Some friends will tell you right off the bat if something is bothering them while others will just act cold or lay low until the storm blows over.
All these aspects of friendship have to do with people’s attachment styles — and the combination of your friend’s attachment style and your own.
By understanding your friends’ attachment styles you can gain better insight into why they act as they do and you can adjust your expectations accordingly.
No Comments » | Posted by Rachel Heller on 01.27.2011
